Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Love and Respect
by Danny Bell
It’s not a secret anymore that men and women are totally different in design.
There are now emerging studies showing that men and women are opposite in more ways than first thought.
Researcher Simon Cohen provides the evidence for what many have suspected all along: that male and female brains are very different. He reveals scientific evidence that shows female brains are better at empathizing and communicating, while male brains are stronger at understanding and building systems such as politics and music.
Under laboratory observation, it was seen that men’s brains were more in tune with external things going on around them, with the visual parts of the brain being active even at rest. The females who partook in the study showed that those parts that deal with the internal functions like the emotional centers of the brain were most active while at rest (The Essential Difference, Cohen).
This trend in research underscores what has been known for centuries by commentators and discerning Christians alike.
Author and speaker Dr Emerson Eggerichs believes strongly that most misunderstandings between men and women are due to ignorance on one basic level. After spending many years as a counsellor, Eggerichs came up with the radical idea that love alone will not save a couples’ relationship gone wrong.
The difference he pointed out was that while a woman thrives on love, a man simply doesn’t need as much but has his needs met in respect (Eggerichs, Love and Respect, pg 1).
He explains; Wives are made to love, want to love and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver.
But as I kept studying scripture and counselling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands are made to be respected, want respect and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver – (ibid, pg 6).
Eggerich goes on to say that many books on marriage stress the need for husbands to unconditionally love their wives but entirely fail to mention the husbands need for unconditional respect (ibid, pg 19).
This sets up what he calls a “Crazy Cycle” where the husband “stonewalls” and withdraws which is in turn interpreted by the wife that he does not love her. She then criticises him which makes him feel more disrespected creating a cycle of alienation.
While Eggerich adequately points out that both sides have alot to learn, he makes it very clear that understanding a mans need for respect is pivotal to a happy relationship in which both parties can survive.
He observes that a woman will talk to a husband in the home in a way that another man outside of the home would never talk to him (ibid, pg 59).
While a wife may be happy to lay claim to her need to be unconditionally loved, somehow men are labelled arrogant and egotistical if they ask for unconditional respect – yet this is at the very core of a man’s emotional needs and how he is wired.
This is further backed up by the scriptures where Paul says; “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
For years we have promoted the “love your wives” part in marriage seminars and publications but have left out the “respect your husband” part which rounds out the passage and puts it into context.
Ask any wife how she would feel if her husband said, “I respect you but I don’t love you”? She of course would be devastated. The same would apply if a wife said to her husband, “I love you but I don’t respect you” – the husband is equally devastated.
Respect is big on God’s agenda and men are very much like their Father in Heaven. God told Israel that He loved them verbally on only a few occasions. His love to them was a tough kind that wasn’t always demonstrated in what some would call a loving way.
That’s because God demonstrated His love in the Bible almost entirely through His actions and not words. When Israel complained He didn’t say, “but I love you!” He pointed them back to what He had done and His mighty works on their behalf.
He shouldn’t have needed to remind them that He loved them because all along He showed a constant care that would match any doting creature He created.
Men, husbands and fathers are the same. We were not designed to speak the language of love as much as to show it.
Many Dad’s go off to work into a difficult world for long hours bearing the concerns about the future as well as the needs of the family because God placed deep in Adam a heavy unseen burden of responsibility. When husbands are disrespected, that hits at the very core of their being and they withdraw - or worse.
When a man is respected he is capable of giving the love that the family needs. When he is disrespected he will shield the one thing that he has left - his masculinity - because this is at the heart of who he is and it cannot be changed.
Men are capable of giving love but we as men need to let our women know what chokes that love off. If we feel disrespected then we need to say to our partners, “When you disrespect me I don’t feel love for you”.
This is a woman’s language and they will hear what we mean when we say this. If they are aware what makes you feel bad then they can change their communication too and in turn receive from you the love they desperately need.
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Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Rambo, Heroes and Fools
by Brad Flynn
In Thailand, John Rambo is living peacefully capturing snakes and transporting people and cargo in an old boat. But when he joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma, and rescue a group of Christian aid workers who were kidnapped by the ruthless local infantry unit. Rambo refuses, but is convinced by another member, Sarah Miller, to take them up there. When the aid workers are captured by the Burmese army, Rambo decides to venture alone into the war zone to rescue them. (Review of Rambo 4) 1
John Rambo has been a Hollywood hero for the past 26 years. Actor Sylvester Stallone starred as a ex-Green Beret, Vietnam Veteran in the hit movie Rambo: First Blood back in 1982. Three movies later, the 2008 release of Rambo 4 has already grossed over $150 million dollars worldwide in movie and DVD sales.The longevity and popularity of this movie series suggests that Rambo is 'the man'! A tough, strong guy, who can fight for what is right AND do it all by himself - the ultimate hero!
For centuries, boys and men have admired the man that fights for justice, and in the face of adversity, triumphs over the evil enemy. But today, Hollywood and the media have added that the hero is a lone warrior, someone who doesn't need anyone else and can handle it all by himself.
But talk to any real war heroes, from World War 1, World War 2, Vietnam, Iraq - and they will tell you that this idea of an 'all-by-himself' hero is a ridiculous idea. They will tell you that success in battle comes from working together with other men and relying on each other to overcome the enemy. They will tell you that 'going solo' is often a quick path to going home in a body bag.
Today Aussie culture glorifies the guy that wins or gets to the top without anyone's help (even though when they receive the award or accolades, they will thank numerous people for their help along the way!).
But this mentality of, "I'm ok, I can do it by myself, I don't need anyone else's help…" is a quick path to strained relationships, poor mental health and a contributing factor to why Australia has one of the highest male suicide rates in the Western world.
An ancient proverb from one of the wisest men in history says,
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. 2
The world needs heroes - and God invites you to be a hero and join Him in making this world a better place.
But are you trying to be a solo-hero - or perhaps should I say solo-fool? Are you trying to do it all by yourself? Has anyone got your back? Who are the two or three guys in your life that you can rely on and depend on? Have you asked them to fight with you and for you?
Rambo might be 'the man' in Hollywood, but Jesus is 'The Man'. And Jesus wasn't afraid to ask for help. Jesus told His mates what was on His mind, what upset Him and He asked them for support when He needed it. 3
If you want to be a hero, rather than a fool, be wise enough to ask some mates to help you be the hero Jesus calls you to be.
References
1. Anthony Pereyra, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462499/plotsummary
2. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (New Living Translation)
3. Mark 14:32-42
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Monday, September 8, 2008
Exposure!
Requests have come from across the state and overseas for information about what we are up to.
It’s been kind of hard fielding questions about WACMEN when we have only met a few times and only basic plans exist. It was pretty exciting though when the General Conference contacted me and wanted to know more. I told them the basic philosophy behind WACMEN and a few tidbits.
The feeling I’m getting is that we are breaking new ground not just in Australia but worldwide in the sort of ministry we are trying to set up. From the beginning I have wanted WACMEN to walk in step with the Church and not just become another guerrilla outfit.
Working alongside of the church is our best course because with the support of the church comes credibility and God’s blessing. If we work at odds with the church I believe it will narrow our field of outreach which includes local churches.
Below is the link to the Adventist Network News story: http://news.adventist.org/data/2008/1217259792/index.html.en
Slogan - any ideas?
It was voted at our recent WACMEN meeting to open up the idea of a slogan to our subscribers. The basic philosophy and vision of WACMEN needs to be incorporated into the slogan which will give onlookers an idea of what we stand for. This is not a Mission Statement as such but something that will go on our promotional gear and letterheads in the future.
There has been consensus at our meetings that WACMEN has a two fold focus on helping both Christian and non-Christian men to find mate-ship and acceptance within a spiritual context. There is also a strong commitment to helping communities or churches to create environments where men feel welcomed and challenged.
Under-girding all of this is the recognition that men are hurting on many fronts and that we aim to bolster the true God-given masculine spirit in all men in order for them to become better husbands, fathers and community members. We have therefore voted to include subscribers and are now taking submissions as to a fitting slogan that represents our ideals.
The slogan should be short, gritty and not be more than one sentence. Submissions should be emailed to our contact address provided with your name and phone number attached – there will be a reward for the winning submission.Read full post...
The Christian Nice Guy Syndrome
What is the “Christian Nice Guy (CNG) Syndrome”?
Paul Coughlin, author of the popular book No More Christian Nice Guy, says:It’s an emotional and spiritual malady that robs men of the power and passion necessary to direct, sacrifice and provide for their families. Such men are in the grip of two crippling forces - passivity and an incomplete understanding of Jesus*
Coughlin goes on to say that the Christian Nice Guy problem has a misunderstood spiritual component. These men have an incomplete picture of God. Thus they are encouraged to be nice to a fault, making them emotionally dishonest**. Coughlin is not alone in his views with a whole chorus of books on the subject challenging popular ideas of what it is to be a Christian male in the 21st century.
David Murrow - author of the book Why Men Hate Going to Church, takes it one step further by unflatteringly saying that the average church man is a different breed to normal males; Tough earthy working guys rarely come to church. High achievers, alpha males, risk takers and visionaries are in short supply. Fun lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented at church. These rough and tumble men don’t fit in with the quiet, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today.***
Murrow identifies the heart of the problem by saying that today’s church actually favours CNG’s by creating a culture that targets people who show up and participate – women, children and old people.**** CNG’s feel right at home because most of them have grown up in the church and come not to be transformed but because they enjoy participating in comforting rituals that have changed little since their childhood.*****
Commentators agree that the local garden variety of CNG is also a tortured soul and not living out his full potential as a father, husband or man of God. The CNG lives by a code of fear and safety rather than courage and challenge. He secretly admires masculine men but cannot show it because the church only offers rewards for men who act in a feminine way. The church is one of the few institutions in society where there is no pressure to act like a man. In fact men are encouraged not to be masculine at church. Where else can a man express his feminine side and be applauded for it?******
The contrast between CNG’s and Godlike men is seen most clearly in the stories of the Bible. I like to think of Sampson as a classic example of what raw masculinity under God’s direction can accomplish. Sampson definitely would not have made it onto the church worship committee or been allowed to teach but let’s not forget that he was a Judge and God used him. Samson's life presents an enigma for many CNG’s who usually try to explain it away by saying he reaped the rewards for his sinful life and that is why he died with the Philistines. While I do not believe Sampson led a sinful life (he was certainly a sinner), the record does state in Judges – "he led Israel twenty years".
Sampson was not a CNG, but who wouldn’t mind going down in history as a Bible hero like he did? There is an old saying,"all men die but not all men really live". The difference between Sampsons life and that of a CNG would be that one chooses to live under the radar focussing on a "nice" reputation creating as little conflict as possible while the other obeys the full command of scripture – "living hot or cold instead of being lukewarm" (Rev). God didn’t demand that Samson be perfect but he did demand 100% - the last thing God did for Samson was answer his prayers.
The CNG syndrome is a sad existence that sets the bar selfishly low so that no waves are created with personal peace and safety as the ultimate goal. Not so for Godlike men who take greater risks and front bigger challenges than their counterparts dare to contemplate. When you die, will you be satisfied to be remembered for dwelling in the shadows like a timid church mouse or will you be remembered like Samson throughout all history as a great Judge and Warrior in the pages of eternal history?
* Coughlin, No More Christian Nice Guy
** Ibid
*** Murrow, Why Men Hate Going to Church
**** Ibid
***** Ibid
******* Ibid
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Everything Must Change
I recently accepted Teen Sabbath School leader down at church because it is another area I believe that is overlooked in the important development stages of our young peoples’ faith.
I see teens who choose to opt out of Pathfinders falling through the cracks because outside of this the church doesn’t really cater for them until they hit 16 when they go into Youth.
Consequently, its an age where you see a lot of kids become bored with or leave the church like I did as a teen. Standard answers to the problem like "well they should be in Pathfinders" are not helpful. As much as I believe in Pathfinders, the fact remains that some kids don’t like it and so we need to be careful when giving simplistic answers to the problem.
We are losing kids and we need to understand why.
There is a very clear connection with attendance patterns between youth and older males at church too. These two groups draw from the same well when it comes to staying at church. We have alot to learn and alot to unlearn if we really want to retain and hold both.
That is why our theme for the Bunbury Teen Sabbath School this quarter is "Everything Must Change" which is written in bold colours on our door. I got this from a song I heard on the radio recently and felt it summed up pretty much what needs to happen for our youth and men.
The sooner we realise the big losses we are experiencing in this area, the sooner we can get about fixing the problem. Fixing it though, will involve changing the way we are used to doing church and it will certainly upset the devil when we start.
Change is good and all we need to do is get out of the way when it needs to happen, despite the protests of others. Nothing short of stoic white knuckle Jesus type faith will suffice for getting ourselves and those we care about all the way home.
It’s all good,
Danny
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Sunday, August 10, 2008
Thrills, Spills and Muddy Hills
by Matt Keegan
Sunday 20th, July 2008 saw 10 riders from Harvey and Donnybrook tackle some of the toughest, muddiest and down right dirtiest terrain that the south west town of Balingup could throw at us.
After meeting at Brett Lawtie’s house at 9:00am we set off to the tourist town of Balingup to tackle some of the trails I had mapped out the week before. Those accompanying myself for the day were Andrew Eyre and his sons Jason and Nathan, Brett Lawtie and daughter Brittany and family friend Josh Watts, Dean Lawtie and Shaun and Harley Radovan.
We arrived at our destination with the clouds still covering the hill tops and valleys making a picturesque setting for slinging mud and having fun. The silence of atmosphere was broken as all 10 bikes were started and warmed up. Then at 10:15am it was on for good and old.
Not long into the ride the mud was flying with bikes and riders being covered from head to toe. Unfortunately the slippery conditions meant there were going to be some spectacular “kick offs”. Shortly into the ride Brittany’s bike suffered a flat tyre and retired her from the rest of the ride, she is to be commended for mixing it up the big boys though and I’m sure we have not seen the last of her. Josh also retired at this time and the pair of them limped the bike home.
With some riders just warming up and others asking when they could go home we pressed on over the next set of hills with heights of over 200 meters above sea level we were literally riding in the clouds with fantastic views to boot. After a long and grueling “Man From Snowy River” down hill, we lost another of our riders to fatigue and Dean left us after swapping mounts with Shaun.
A lengthy break later, we then moved on into the pines and some of the nastiest terrain. This terrain did not leave one rider on their bike for the rest off the ride, with some specky “kick offs” and true mate-ship to help each other up and over all sorts it was a day of riding to remember with everyone returning home safely.
So if you have a bike and no where to ride or you just want to come out for some fun keep watching WACMEN for up and coming rides or send me your details to matanika@netserv.net.au and I’ll email or text you with info on upcoming rides.
Hope to see you on the trails,
Matt.Read full post...
Opportunities for Ministry within WACMen
With the recent influx of activity, WACMEN is gearing up for Easter Camp and alot of other events planned for next year. We are including here a list of available voluntary positions for all subscribers to apply for.
This is your chance to become a part of the WACMEN team in an exciting ministry that has heaps of opportunity for helping others and building God’s Kingdom.
We envisage that all spots will be filled eventually but they are not limited to positions listed below. There is plenty of scope within each job description in which you may find an assistant type role that suits you rather than taking the lead.
We can cater for your particular interest and welcome any supportive ideas where you think you can help out (cooks and bottle washers included).
CURRENT AVAILABLE POSITIONS
These are all the core positions to date and may require assistants within each role later as WACMEN grows. Applicants may apply for any listed above. Please contact us by email, telling us why you feel you would like to fill any of the above along with your qualifications and experience. We will assess each application and be in touch with you regarding the outcome. All applications to be sent by email to donga1@westnet.com.au
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The WACMen Engine
What fuelled the Men’s Movement in the US was when a few churches recognised the absence of men in church and followed that up with a ministry targeting male only needs. In the 1990s, Promise Keepers stumbled across the idea of the century by bringing men together in environments where they already felt comfortable: football stadiums. These churches sought to bring the church to men and not the traditional way where men are invited to the church. From these humble beginnings a small revolution was started that has now spilled into the UK and Australian churches. Organisations like Promise Keepers, Church for Men, Band of Brothers and Forge to name a few have emerged as catalysts for a movement that is now coming to a church near you whether you like it or not!
The strength of the movement lies in the fact that it resonates with many men who for a long time have felt that something was not quite right within traditional church culture and its’ view of typical male behaviour. Local churches experimented and men found something alluring about being invited to Men’s Breakfasts’ and midweek meetings. Many attended these exclusively male events with a sense of trepidation, curiosity and yes – guilt. Some men’s meetings missed the mark and consequently had poor attendance because they leaned towards a “men need to get in touch with their feminine side” theme. Other meetings however, were a huge success as men were given back the right to express themselves as males among a band of brothers who understood their struggles and kept rock solid confidences - unlike your average church meeting. Well run men’s events are greatly appreciated and well received wherever they are held and are now beginning to catch on in most churches. The thing about the Men’s Movement is that it is a grass roots movement because it started that way.
I recently attended a Chaplain training weekend in Perth as a part of my state school chaplain responsibilities. I car pooled with a young upcoming Church of Christ pastor/chaplain who is finishing his theology degree this year. We struck up a conversation about denominational similarities and I discovered he was a convert to the Men’s Movement. We agreed on every point and he said he sees the same things as described in literature about the issues surrounding men as vital to a growing church. Needless to say he is now a happy subscriber to WACMEN adding to the growing number of men from other faiths who like what we are saying and doing.
This story was repeated at the venue the next day as I spoke with a wide range of denominational chaplains who were either aware of or already involved in men’s activities in their local churches. One seminar was offered among our choices as specifically dealing with Men and the problems facing boys. The bottom line here is that this issue regarding men and church has permeated most denominations fuelling men’s groups that are popping up all over the place. As the dots are connected, the demand for services from networks like WACMEN will only increase and opportunities to serve will become greater.
Even Promise Keepers are changing their original tactics of large gatherings. The revised vision statement reads: "Impacting churches to transform their cities by equipping leaders to disciple men in the masculine context." They are recognizing what God is already doing. "We've left the stadiums and we're going to the churches," says the leadership. – Christianity Today
So the engine of WACMEN or any men’s movement for that matter is deep down in the basement of your local church community. Local men with a vision to increasing God’s Kingdom by introducing changes that revive the masculine spirit provide fuel for the pistons that make the engine run. Starting a group that aims to give men permission to be men and rediscover their true God-given masculinity will do more for your church than any bible based seminar on the market I know.
The good news is that there is a momentum building at the local level in our state churches. Even now I am receiving calls from men who want to do something in their church but don’t know where to start. Demand is already telling me that the engine is turning over. Getting the message out there to the local churches has been a bit tough. One response from one pastor I received when I asked him to promote WACMEN with his local men was “I’m retiring”. I hope and pray we can all see the value of WACMEN until we can get to Camp next year – then I estimate we will see a big jump in activity.
Anyone wanting to start a local Men’s group should contact us by email at donga1@westnet.com.au and we will send you some basic stuff to get you started. We are planning to have a speaker at Camp next year with information along these lines as well.Read full post...
Working Beyond Our Limits with Julian Krieg
Have you ever had the experience of trying to explain to someone that they are working a piece of equipment beyond its limits?
One of my mates has been trying to get a bit more power out of his vehicle lately. He has fitted a Turbo, extractors, gas injection on his diesel etc and doing this has definitely increased his power significantly, but at a cost. His vehicle cooling system couldn’t cope, his warranty is gone and now he has a broken crankshaft.
Perhaps you have returned something under Warranty and been asked “What were you doing when it broke” and been told in no uncertain terms that “This piece of equipment was never designed to do that!’’ and therefore the warranty claim is not going to be met.
This type of thing happens all the time with cars, tractors farm equipment kitchen appliances and all manner of things right down to the clothes we wear and we generally accept that misuse or abuse leads to equipment failure.
Perhaps we should step back and say to ourselves what am I doing to myself that alters my life balance and puts me at risk in balancing my lifestyle. Does this sound a bit like what my mate has done to his vehicle?
It doesn’t matter how old or young you are if you force yourself to operate at a level that is above your optimum performance range for extended periods of time you will experience premature failure of one of your wellbeing systems, either physical or mental. I guess the answer is easier said than done but we need to take stock from time to time that we are operating within our limitations.
We also need to prepare for the season ahead and consider our fitness as well as our machines. It is important to take stock and develop appropriate strategies now to avoid problems at a critical time later. Like machines, we often consider pushing ourselves way beyond the limits. Are we working too hard, eating and exercising enough, maintaining a balanced social lifestyle as well as the needs of our partners and children?
It is important that we put as much effort into looking after ourselves as we put into looking after our toys. There is a saying that “We often don’t value something until we lose it” take steps now to ensure you look after yourself. If we burn the candle at both ends, either working playing or partying it will catch up with us. Take care to keep a good balance and prepare for the season ahead. – JulianRead full post...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
WACMen Meeting Update
Our first official WACMEN meeting began at the Freo church on Saturday the 28th of June at 3pm. Six men in all attended (see photo below) and all had what was described as a good time in discussion. After a few inaugural red frogs and some Ginger beer the meeting launched into top gear. It was a planning and ideas meeting at which a basic mission model was presented. The model was discussed and refined to reflect a two pronged approach.
The model goes like this:
1. To reach out and minister the Gospel to all Men be they churched or non churched. Ways of doing this would be through;
2. To assist churches in reclaiming and retaining their Men so that they become partakers of the community of faith and not just spectators. Worldwide statistics for the SDA church have been reported to say that male attendance on any given Sabbath is on average around 30% while women have a whopping 70% attendance. A prominent thought at the meeting was that WACMEN could by invitation educate local churches in how they can set the thermometer of their church to suit Men's needs which interestingly are the same for Youth.
Also, what came out of the meeting was the idea that WACMEN would be better off being a Network rather than a group. A network allows us to become big without alot of effort, where as a group would require more work and planning and we don't have the resources to do that just yet. Our ideal would be to have a WACMEN rep in each local church in WA. Networking suits us too because we can build up for our one main event each year which will give maximum attendance.
We didn’t get around to discussing much about the Tent at Camp and will schedule a meeting later so we can have something to submit to the camp committee. All in all it was an excellent time and so plan to be at our next one and keep the dream alive.
The attached photo shows the WACMEN meeting core attendees. From left to right they are; Kurt van Zwol, Danny Bell, Brad Flynn, Pr Andrew Skeggs, Murray Dunstan and not seen is Wayne Mc Faull on camera.
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A Patriarchal Church?
As far as my academic research and interest in what other denominations think about SDA’s goes, I can honestly say we don’t figure too highly when it comes to our founding history. The typical response I have often heard among other jesting clergy is, “aren’t you that mob that were founded by a woman?”. This is an argument that we have had to defend in many of our publications and debates about the authenticity of our historical roots. So you can imagine my surprise when I read literature that suggests the SDA church is steeped in a “patriarchal” culture and still continues to treat unfairly the opposite sex in our system?
There are two fronts to this criticism and they both need to be rebutted or at least clarified.
The first erroneous idea is that the SDA faith was staunchly male dominated and women had no real role to play being somehow maligned and forgotten. This is false. One of the most important, if not indispensable pioneers in the early years of our church was a woman. Ellen White (pictured) was at the forefront and had a hand in many of our current doctrinal positions, vision for mission and administrative structure than any other leader in the church. Yes, a woman figured prominently in our history but we were neither overly feministic or patriarchal in our development because of it.
The church was influenced by the times in which it lived and as a consequence men outnumbered women in positions of leadership and employment. To say that this was generated by the church is not only false but shortsighted to say the least. By comparison, the SDA organization among other predominant religions that emerged at the time was way in front for allowing women to lead and participate in all aspects of church life. Mormonism and the Watchtower Society on the other hand were very dark upon their women and held them in low esteem when it came to leadership and worship practices. Not so the SDA church. Along with EGW, a steady stream of SDA women pioneers flowed out of our institutions and joined the ranks among the great leaders that emerged in our history. They were definitely outnumbered by the men but they were there and unrestricted in their ministries.
The second falsehood is that the SDA church is still somehow restricting women with its patriarchal and unfair employment practices and opportunities for women.
There have been many huge advances for women over the past 20 years with the establishment of a full time Women’s Ministry branch which stems all the way to the GC. Women feature very highly now in policy making at all levels with gender equality built into election procedures from top to bottom. Committees and Boards now have mandates throughout the world church to recognise gender balance when electing officers and leadership positions within the system. This is all without even mentioning denominational figures at a local level where women outnumber men in positions by an average of 3 to 1 in favour of women.
So where does the idea come from that the church is still steeped in patriarchal dominance and women are suffering as a result? It comes from the question over paid pastoral positions or if you like the disparity between the number of male clergy as opposed to female. A portion of this argument does include the pool from which our high ranking officials are drawn in elections who are usually pastors moving up the administrative ladder. Probably a fair call but many have argued that they are simply choosing those with the best ability to fill roles rather than be governed by gender. Another fair call.
Knowing these minor disparities however doesn’t necessarily equate to a male dominated church where females are suppressed. Sure, the pastorate is a men’s club you could say (this is changing), but almost every other area of church life is dominated by women.* Think about it. At all of our conventions and meetings, men are never in the majority. With the exception of Pastoral retreats, our events attract more women than men. From committee meetings to local church activities (the engine room of the church), the majority of our volunteers are women. So how does a church arrive at a place where they have a mostly male clergy but women feature highly on the attendance and participation scale? The answer lies in the fact that the pastor has come to appreciate women more because they are the faithful ones who are always ready to bolster up any cause he suggests. To put it plainly, the Pastorate leans more towards women’s needs because they are the gender who hold the church together and keep it going despite the clear depletion of male participants. But “hang on a minute” I hear you saying, “What about all the men who attend church and are active and participating?”
There are still men in the church, but tough earthy working guys rarely come to church.** Most current church men have grown up in the church and come not to be transformed or create a revolution but because they enjoy participating in the comforting rituals that have changed little since their childhood. Today’s churchgoing man is humble, tidy, dutiful and above all, nice.*** This is in contrast to the men in the bible who were dangerous, radical and often in trouble with the established religious leaders of their day. The average church nice guy then is a different breed to the ones we know who saturate the pages of the scriptures. The Nice Guy phenomenon may explain the reason why we have a male dominated leadership without what you would expect in such an environment - women being suppressed.
The fact remains certain, the SDA church has never had and does not have a male dominated environment where women are regarded as unequal to men, save perhaps in days gone by where there was normal cultural influence.
* Murrow, Why Men Hate Going to Church, pg 4. These studies are cross denominational but anyone who has been a member of the church for some time will recognise the truth of these trends.
** ibid, pg 6. I understand that there are exceptions to the rule but for the vast majority of churches this seems to be the case..
*** ibid
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Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Good versus Nice
You may have wondered what the picture on the cover of this edition of WACMEN is all about. When scouring the internet for a something to adequately describe the concept of this article I had to pause myself and think, “what a weird picture that is”. Nevertheless, it does speak to the idea I want to address and so let me explain.
Suppose you went into a store and saw these two brand new unused babies head candle holders and you bought them and took them home. You placed them on the mantle piece and there they sat admired by guests and relatives alike. They were a great conversation piece and some friends even expressed that they would like to have a pair just like that – they were so popular.
One night however you had a blackout and stumbled around for ages looking for candles and couldn’t find any. In desperation you took one of the babies head candles and lit it up so you could have light. The candle burned well and provided you light while you did your evening chores. It burned well into the night by your bed as you were reading and finally you fell asleep. In the morning the power came on and when you woke you found that you had pretty much stuffed one of the babies heads up and it now didn’t match the other nice new one.
As friends and relatives dropped by comments were made about how much a shame it was that the used babies head was ruined and how it didn’t match the new one that stood nicely by it’s side. Yeah, I said “nicely”. You see the new candle had not seen any real action and had not even served it’s purpose yet but it received all the attention. The used babies head candle however had served a very worthy purpose and had been used for what it was supposedly designed for yet it received only comments like “what a shame” and “oh now it makes the pair look bad”.
You would have to agree that now it is pretty ugly and yes it doesn’t look NICE anymore but it was GOOD wasn’t it?
I mean, we were all happy gathering around the light it shed and we were pretty happy when it got us out of a tight spot because we didn’t have to fumble around in the dark anymore. And what, now we don’t like it because it doesn’t look nice? We liked what it did for us but we didn’t like it when it started to look like a used candle.
Maybe I’m taking the illustration too far but the bottom line here is that the nice candle is only nice as long as it doesn’t get used for what it was designed for – to give light. The used candle on the other hand became ugly when it started fulfilling it’s good and proper function but the nice candle only looked nice because it stayed out of the way from being used.
In our service to God then, is it possible to be so consumed about the appearance of being nice, that we fail to engage and become good practical Christians for fear of turning ugly? Paul Coughlin in his book No More Christian Nice Guy explains the concept of good versus nice this way,...Nice people worship at the altar of other people’s approval. Jesus did not. Nice people when criticized often crumble and hide. Good people keep going, the way Jesus did...
Have we become nice men at church instead of good men? Have our priorities morphed into a desperate obsession to be liked obscuring what we have been commanded to be? Have we placed a higher value on appearing nice to everyone rather than the biblical value of doing the good and proper thing which is right?
Jesus did not say to the disciples before he left, “go forth and be liked”. He said, “go forth and teach and preach whatever I have told you” – despite the consequences. Jesus warned us we will have enemies – “all who live the gospel as it should be lived will suffer persecution”.
Doing what we are told is good and practical but it may make us appear ugly – can we live with that? Jesus was not one to compromise even if people hated Him and felt he was not nice.
The famous Pink Floyd song Wish You Were Here asks us;Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
Compromising and not doing what is good just so we can be popular or at ease is something so distasteful to God that it makes Him want to vomit. One hundred percent, “hot or cold” is God’s preference rather than us steering around our duty in order to avoid discomfort. Do something for me.
Look again at the candle holders and ask yourself, which one served it’s purpose and which one was just an ornament? The used candle looks ugly and certainly doesn’t look nice but it sure was good while it lasted. Which one would you rather be when God asks, “what did you do with the life I gave you?”
Danny Bell
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Hamelin Bay Camp
As if driving down to Augusta wasn’t good enough with the rolling green hills and ancient forests to keep us company. When we arrived at Hamelin we were greeted with solitude and rugged nature at it’s best.
The campsite was chosen by Murray Dunstan and it was a cracker. After an evening bush walk adventure into some caves, the fire was lit and a sweet aroma of sausages and mushrooms (no not that kind), filled the campsite.
After an awesome sleep with the waves crashing in the distance all night, we were woken by the excitement of some who went fishing down at the beach to come and see Dolphins herding large schools of Salmon into the breakers. We quickly headed down and watched in awe as some professional Salmon fishermen encircled a net around them and dragged them to shore, about 10 ton of fish in my estimation.
Afterwards the tour-de-Augusta was underway and a group of keen cyclists rode to the Augusta lighthouse and back. A few sore bums later and some more food and campfire dreaming we awoke for the final initiation – a dive off Augusta Bay point where the water was clear and the fish were everywhere. What an awesome little town Augusta is and what a great place to stay and get wet.
This camp was well attended and had a lot of activities to suit everyone even some keen photographers came along and entered the action with some nice dawn shots. We are currently planning our next trip to Rottnest Island so keep checking the Buddy Board for this event.
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Sunday, May 18, 2008
What Is a Real Man?
Good question.
Another is, ‘where do you go to find the answer?’ Do we like many, look at what the world is telling us or do we go to the source - by ‘source’ I mean the Bible.
If we read the scriptures there are certain fundamental things that leap out at you about who a man is and what he should be like. “So God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them” (Gen.1:27) – chikking!!!
Whoops, one to God and a fat zero for the popular world view of what a man is. In other words, man is masculine and woman is feminine and neither the twain shall meet.
There is a complimentary relationship between man and woman for sure, but the world wants to blur the distinction and turn men into something they were not designed to be. With recent stories in the media of pregnant men (she was really a woman anyway) and distorted ideas about roles, sex and the needs of men, is it any wonder that even Christians are becoming confused.
And if the church is confused, is it a surprise that traditional or masculine men feel that going to church is not for them?
Men are the least represented gender in our denomination. An average attendance figure recently released says that worldwide, SDA men make up about only 30% attendance on any given Sabbath morning. That figure ought to send alarm bells ringing across our church but it hasn’t.
So in a world of mixed up ideas about men and their roles, who can we look to for a blueprint of what a man should be like? I hope the answer is obvious – it’s JESUS with a big “J” but even here we need to be careful that popular notions don’t creep in.
When teaching our children about Jesus, do we only emphasise His softer virtues and ignore the more radical and dangerous sides of the Saviour? To be sure Jesus was the Lamb of God but he also was the Lion of Judah. Jesus was no church mouse and often had issues with how the religious leaders of his day were doing church. He not only had an appeal to women but he also appealed to rough fishermen and Centurions of his time.
When presenting Jesus, do we unwittingly skip over the more radical episodes like when He drove out the money changers from the temple, to the gentle ripples of his lakeside talks among the daisy’s?
Are we only presenting a gentle Jesus meek and mild without considering the impact on our boys who may need to see His masculine side which appeals to their sense of heroism? One thing is for sure, our job is to confront the current gender gap for what it is: a strategy of the evil one to weaken the church.*
We need to be careful of offering popular theories why men are not in church such as, men are less spiritual than women, or saying things like, men should just...... It’s not about what men should be - if we can’t start with men as they are, we’ll never reach them.**
Jesus get’s my vote as a real man anyway and if I’m ever in doubt all I need to do is turn up to the Gospels to see my hero in action.
By Danny Bell
References:
* Murrow, Why Men Hate Going to Church, 9.
** ibid, 10.Read full post...
Our Dad Spot
My Dad was the rock of my life. Reliable, trustworthy - a good bloke well liked by his work mates and loved by his friends and family. I could talk to Dad about almost anything and he was always available if I needed help.
When he passed away a few years ago, I was left with a big hole in my life. Although I was surrounded by a close family and good friends, it seemed like no-one could fill that Dad spot.
The stability, the peace and the comfort that came from knowing Dad was there was pulled out from under me. I realised how much I had taken for granted: not only having a Dad, but having a good Dad.
Not everyone has lots of good stories to tell about their fathers. I've heard some not so happy stories about fathers - stories that make you angry and break your heart. I’ve come to learn that whether we admit it or try to ignore it, the Dad-spot in our lives is an important place.
So I really appreciate how Jesus referred to God as Abba (Dad) and how he invites us to pray to God as Our Father in heaven. Without a Dad nearby to talk to, I can talk to my Other Father. I can go to Him for help. He is now the stability, peace and comfort that I lost when my father died.
It may be hard to call God, Father. Perhaps your earthly father hurt you, rejected you or abandoned you. You may feel like you are nothing in your dads eyes but you have another Father.
Your other Father is proud of you. Your Other Father listens to you. He is pleased with you. He thinks you are worth dying for.
And with a Father in Heaven like that, our Dad-spot can always be filled.
By Brad FlynnRead full post...
Building Steam!
G'day Fella's.
One of the things I tell my clients is the importance of job satisfaction. It’s a pretty big player in our emotional happiness register because if we are not happy at work then we are just not happy.
I gotta say, I’m very happy doing my little bit here for WACMEN because it is something I really like doing. It’s a love job and I really believe it is going to do some good. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t be wasting my time. I have to warn you though, if you don’t get involved then I might overtake you because I’m only just starting to pick up steam.
God has already put me in contact with some of you who are going to help out with WACMEN. You will meet them in each edition and others from far and wide across our large state.
WACMEN won’t work with one, two or even three men – it needs a lot of blokes on board to make it all happen. One vision I have already is for a WACMEN representative to be in each of the churches in the Conference.
Well, the letter to the Camp Committee has been sent anyway so get down on those old knobby knees and pray that God will open the way for us to have a legit place at Camp. I have already had a very good response back from among our now 70+ subscribers who are unanimous in wanting WACMEN to continue.
That’s what I want and I’m sure it’s what God wants too – what about it boys?
It’s all good,
DannyRead full post...
Pit Stop Next Year at Men's Tent
Julian runs Pit Stop out of the back of a ute and is the Wheatbelt Men’s Health director for WA.
Pit Stop is aimed at getting blokes thinking about their health in a non confronting and non clinical way. The ute is like Julian’s office as he travels around farming districts with a particular messgae aimed at men who struggle on many fronts.
We will be very lucky to get Julian onboard with what we are doing as he is a good source of information and has his finger on the pulse of men’s issues across the board.Read full post...
Friday, May 16, 2008
A View from the Shed with Julian Krieg
Last week I heard that about 1.4 million Australians now suffer from type two diabetes.
As I contemplated this huge number and the probability that it could be even bigger when we add the ones we don’t know about (because they haven’t been diagnosed yet) I couldn’t help wondering why in such a great country like Australia we have let this type of thing get such a hold on us, particularly our younger people.
In many ways this type of problem is a direct result of having an affluent society. What we seem to lack as individuals or a society is restraint to curb our consumption of food and drink to the point where it meets our needs rather than our desires.
One way of illustrating our problem is to compare us to our cars.
Imagine if your car had an expanding petrol tank, every time you went to the garage you could put an extra 500 ml in the tank, and the car had the ability to store it up in case it needed it. At first glance we might say that’s great! The car is building up its capacity to travel that bit extra distance before the next fill, or have something in reserve if I forget to fill sometime.
But consider the real impact, after one year the tank capacity has probably increased by 25 litres which equates to 25 Kilos extra weight. If we consider the long term effect after 10 years the car would be carrying an extra 250 Kilos which is more than a 200 litre drum of unused fuel in the boot. Think how this would impact on the car’s performance.
The unfortunate thing is that this is almost exactly what happens to us, our body has the ability to store unused “fuel” (food) and we don’t notice it at the start. We kid ourselves and don’t think that extra bit of “food” will make that much difference.
The trouble is our body does accommodate the extra intake which doesn’t get used and is stored as fat. We then start to lose performance, and we develop all sorts of problems like diabetes.
Unfortunately we then call it a medical problem. It is true that the doctors have to deal with treating the problem but really the solution to these issues rests with us and the choices we make about lifestyle.
We all need to resist eating more than we need to maintain our lifestyle. If we keep a check of calories we take in and calories we use up so that we don’t force our body to store surplus food as fat some of the problems we as individuals, and hence our society, is experiencing will start to dissipate.
Enjoy your food but don’t expand the fuel tank.
Regards
JulianRead full post...
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Waking the Sleeping Lion
I remember watching a documentary once about a family of lions where the male lions would go away for days at a time defending the borders of the pride while the lionesses kept food on the table and the whelps in check.
The hyena’s in the area knew when the males were away coming and harassing the female led pride to the point where blood was drawn in battles with the matriarchs.
The problem for the hyena’s came however when the males returned and caught them red handed inside the territorial lines.
The large male lion of the pride caught and mauled the high ranking hyena to death which sent the rest scurrying for the hills. The male lion was huge and the locals gave him a name Ntwydmala meaning - “he who greets with fire”.
The symbol of the lion is often used in the Bible to describe God and men in particular situations that call for courage, boldness and fierceness. There is a part of man that identifies with the strength and ferocity of a lion along with an admiration of how he is respected by the rest of the animal kingdom.
As men we are called upon to do many things and one of those things is to defend and protect what God has given us. The church is now more than ever in desperate need of men who are like lions and who know how to defend those who cannot be defended and to protect the borders which the world continually encroaches upon.
I’m not talking about becoming more traditional or more liberal but about those things which God created and those things which should never change.
What am I talking about? - Masculinity.
Sometimes I wonder if we as church men have lost what God placed into each of us at our creation. Have we like well fed lions laid down under the shade of the tree and disengaged from church life because it all somehow got too hard?
Maybe we have become like the lion in the Wizard of Oz movie who had no courage. Everyone would agree that this portrayal of the Cowardly Lion was totally out of place and unnatural with what we normally associate with lions – courage, ferociousness and no fear.
Isn’t it just as unnatural to see a church man who does not exhibit characteristics that are normally associated with being male? Maybe we have found church too hard and we have retired to the forest to hide in the shadows like the Cowardly lion.
The church and the world need strong men to step up to the plate, “men who are as true as steel” someone once said.
Is it time to get in touch with our feminine side as the world would have us believe or is it time to return to our roots and become what God has created us to be - masculine.
Danny Bell
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008
WACMen Intro
Hey Fella’s,
Let me first say it’s was an excellent camp at Easter time and it was good to catch up to all my old mates and get acquainted with some new ones.
This is the first WACMEN (WA Conference Men’s E-News) which should come out to you monthly if all goes well and it will keep us up to date on what is happening in the Conference. By no means is the name static or going to stay this way. It was just an off the cuff thought and it lined up nicely with the theme of what I wanted to say.
I keep thinking of the Men’s movement in our church as a giant sleeping Lion who hasn’t seen any action for a long time but when he get’s up everyone better move out the way.
I want to encourage you to print off a copy of WACMEN and hand it to your church pastor’s, personal ministries leaders and any other’s who you think may benefit. One of the things that came out of our meeting on Sunday afternoon at camp was the idea that we would like to see a Men’s Ministry tent next year at camp just like the ladies have.
This is not a tit-for-tat thing but as I wandered around camp talking with men there was a real felt need that blokes around the conference are not going too crash hot when it comes to church. I’ve always felt this in my own ministry to men but when talking to men at camp from different churches I was amazed at how many are doing it tough. It is also evident to many experts that men both outside and inside the church are struggling on all kinds of fronts.
WACMEN is just a start but if we all get on board we will be an awesome force to be reckoned with when it comes to reaching Ozzy males. At the Men’s tent we hope to provide a consolidation point where possibilities can be explored. One of the most important universal things that should come out of the Tent is the concept of mateship.
A consistent thing I kept hearing at camp was, “I don’t have any real mates in the church”. One idea (and it’s only an idea) to help this is the concept of a Buddy Board of events for different Men’s activities from around the Conference that we can all hook into. t will be explained below but you will be invited to contribute and hopefully as it circulates it will be packed with all kinds of stuff for us to be involved in.
Someone once said “if you mobilise the men in the church then get ready because we are going home”. Waking men up and giving them the permission to do things their way is in a sense waking the Lion within our churches. For too long the Lionesses have been shouldering the work while we slept under the shady trees. Now it is time to awaken the King of the beast within each of us and get about our role as males – leading, challenging and making a difference in the church.
I really believe this and hope that we can gain support and encouragement as we get involved in our home churches so men can once again be happy in the work of God.
Catch ya round,
Danny BellRead full post...